By Deborah Bamisaye
Fertility issues have many faces and take a lot to fully cover but let’s see how far we can go today. As we delve more, we will be starting from why many would avoid doing fertility tests, especially before wedding. Undergoing fertility tests before getting married can have several consequences both positive and negative – affecting personal, relational, and societal lives. It has many benefits but let’s talk about the negative ones first.
Here are the Potential Downsides:
1. Impact on Marriage Decisions – This is stating the obvious and no doubt the major reason for objection. Unfavorable test results may lead to cancellation or postponement of marriage, either by mutual decision or family pressure, particularly in societies where fertility is highly valued.
2. Psychosocial Stress or Anxiety: Receiving bad news about fertility status can lead to anxiety, fear, or decreased self-esteem, creating emotional strain.
3. Stigma and Discrimination – In some contexts, knowledge of infertility may result in societal or familial stigma, and could unfairly affect a person’s prospects for marriage if the relationship is dissolved.
4. Religious or Ethical Concerns: Some cultural or religious groups may have reservations about fertility testing before marriage, viewing it as unnecessary, lack of faith or even inappropriate.
So, as we draw the curtains on this topic in this month’s edition, we… (Readers whisper) What? What did you say? Oh, the story! Look at you, so you love stories this much (haba) and just in case you thought I forgot, the answer is a big ‘No!’ I was only testing if you truly read every single line and if you’ll remember the pending story.
Now, I want you to know that this is a true-life story and it happened to my friends (a couple) and I will definitely not be mentioning their real names. There may also be some slight modifications to protect them. Kindly note: they never read PharmaTimes nor heard of fertility tests before wedding. With that said, let’s dive in.
‘It was a day they had hoped would bring clarity. Shalewa and Segun walked into Dr. Ladi’s office, hearts pounding with anticipation. Dr. Ladi looked over Segun’s test results. “Segun, everything looks normal. No fertility issues on your end.”
He breathed a sigh of relief, squeezing Shalewa’s hand.
Then Dr. Ladi turned to Shalewa, with sober expression, he said: “Shalewa, I need to be frank with you. You have Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. Your ovaries aren’t functioning as they should, which means natural conception is highly unlikely – perhaps impossible.”
Shalewa’s eyes widened. “Impossible? You mean… no children for us?”
Segun’s face fell. He went silent. They both left the hospital. On their way home in the car, he broke the silence. Segun (frustrated), “Omoshalewa, why didn’t you tell me? You want to tell me you don’t know you had this?”
Tears welled up in Shalewa’s eyes. Voice trembling, she replied, “I didn’t know, Segun. I never had any fertility tests before we married; only the genotype test. No one ever mentioned it.”
Segun looked away, pain etched deep in his voice. “We made plans – for a family. Didn’t we? Now, I’m scared…I’m..”
Shalewa (cuts in): “I’m scared too. I never wanted to hurt you, or lie. This was a shock to me.”
Shalewa sobbed quietly, feeling a heavy silence grow between them. Even at home Segun wouldn’t talk to his wife, he felt it was all her fault. Shalewa wept profusely refusing food. Each time Segun left for work, she cried, sometimes not fasting but just refusing to eat. She stood up one day (tears streamed down her checks as she prayed) – Oh Lord, I kept myself, I waited to be married, you know it, so is this the reward I’ll get for all that, ovarian what was it called…I don’t even want to know the name… Aha God…(She continued as she wept profusely.)
Desperate for answers, they consulted another doctor, Dr. Kola, who repeated the same sad news, delivering it more bluntly, leaving their hearts even more shattered.
At their lowest point, they found one last hope in Dr. Akintoye, whose kindness was a balm. His hospital is located out of town on a 20 acre land. He has a lot going for him there, a small farm and more. He was one of the fulfilled doctors around, someone recommended he might help. So, they went to see him.
“Shalewa, Segun,” he said softly, “the diagnosis is tough, but medicine isn’t the whole story. I want to invite you to the chapel here in the hospital compound, just down there. If you don’t mind, go there and pray, sometimes hope is found beyond science.”
That evening, Shalewa whispered to Segun as they knelt. “I don’t know if this will work, but I have to believe.”
Segun nodded, voice cracking, “We just have to believe – for us, and for our future.”
They left praying after 3 hours and felt relieved.
Months later, joy exploded in their home.
Shalewa ran to Segun with the pregnancy test in her hand. “Segun! Look, it’s positive!”
Segun’s eyes filled with tears. “A miracle… it’s… it’s a miracle. Praise God! Let’s call Dr. Akintoye right away.”
…Years passed. Their dreams blossomed with two beautiful children, children born 7 years apart a boy and a girl – Enoch and Eunice, they can’t be less thankful.
One weekend – Shalewa confided in Segun, “I wish for more children, but why is it not happening.”
Segun held her hand, smiling softly, “We tried for more, but nothing yet. Do you still feel hopeful?”
Shalewa looked at Enoch and Eunice playing nearby and whispered, “More than ever. We fought the impossible once. We can keep believing. I’m no longer barren… just blessed.”’
This story no doubt underscores the trauma medical practitioners are trying to help couples avoid, when they advocated for tests before wedding. I kid you not, it’s a true story.
I was talking with Shalewa (not real name) months back and she mentioned she was pained by the Doctors bluntness, she preferred she was told privately – not in front of her husband, and even if it had to be before her spouse, it should have been related with her feelings and her husband’s emotions put into great consideration, as it almost cost her her home. A lot happened that our story couldn’t capture but thank God they are happy together today, very happily married.
Now, the ball is in your court to decide if you want a fertility test before wedding or not – it’s entirely up to you but for those considering testing, you are advised to weigh your options, do this with guidance from healthcare professionals, parents and where relevant, spiritual or cultural advisors.
Before I draw the curtains (truly drawing) on this month’s edition, I will just mention one or two benefits:
The Potential Benefits include:
1. It Prevents Future Emotional Distress – Discovering fertility issues before marriage can spare a couple the stress, disappointment, and marital conflict that may arise if they only learn of fertility problems after attempting to conceive. The narrated story spells this out already.
2. Making Informed Decisions – Early knowledge enables couples to make informed choices about marriage, family planning, treatment options, or alternative pathways to parenthood, such as adoption or assisted reproductive technology.
We will be talking more on this in the next edition. Kindly share this with your loved ones even if you have never experienced what is called ‘infertility,’ you might be helping someone out there.
Next month, we will explore options and practical steps for couples who are already married and experiencing infertility but did not have fertility tests before marriage. We’ll discuss what they can do to improve their chances of conception and find hope on their journey.”
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